Chick Flicks Rule! ...Not

My GF likes to watch movies, just not the same ones I like to watch. She likes to watch chickflicks. "What's that?" you ask. Well, it's subtle. Sometimes a chickflick masquerades as something you might actually want to see. To avoid that deceptive situation, you must first know how to recognize it. Here are the warning signs.

How You Know It's a Chickflick

  1. Even the men's hairdos are complex.
  2. There is at least one scene in which a man sheds tears.
  3. The costumes purport to represent the clothing of ordinary people but, if you thought about it, you'd realize no one ever wears that kind of thing in real life. Lederhosen? Plaid leisure suits? Who are they kidding?
  4. There is elaborate wallpaper in the interior scenes; never a plain white wall (like in my house and in the houses of everyone I know).
  5. People kiss.
  6. There are flowers in vases. How many tortured artists do you know with fresh begonias every day?
  7. There is lots of dialog and hardly any helicopters.

Of course, by the time you've identified all the idiotic stereotypes and cliches, it's too late... You've suffered through yet another chickflick. The only thing to do at this point is to get her to watch some car chases and shoot-em-ups. Hey, fair is fair.

-- the highly-opinionated Dan Keller, 2020